Shadow That Moves Slowly (Shadow)

[skyfang]

Name:Shadow that moves slowly (Shadow)

Past/Future Names:Shadow

Gender:male

Clan:tribe of shifting seasons

Moons:20 months

Position:Cave-guards

Appearance:Shadow is a large muscular tom with large paws. He has scar above his right eye. Then some of his tail is missing.He has large ears and dark shaded eyes. One ear is only half.He has amber colored eyes and has a pure black pelt.

Personality:He is one that is angered easy if you are a tom so look out. He doesn't think before acting most of the time he gets into trouble. He thinks he is the best but isn't. He is head strong. He is also a hot head. She-cats can easly calm him down and he is a loyal cat that will anything for his tribe.

History:Mother was a rouge so was his father has one older brother and a younger sister.His brother killed their father one day when they were hunting with Shadow. He killed their father for control of their small area of territory.Shadow watched his father death.He told the family what happened, his brother heard him and attack Shadow in the end Shadow killed him he never saw his sister or mother again. He was found wounded by a huntind party they brought him back to their home and let him join their tribe.

RP Example:Shadow woke up early in The morning woke his family the toms went hunting. He went after a squirrel chased it for alittle then gave up, so he decided to go find his brother and father. After some time he sees his brother he starts to run over to him when he hears "Give me control over are territory old one!" said Shadow's brother"Never" said his father "Then I can kill you for it."said his brother"No yo" his sentence was cut short his son had just pined him to the ground and clawed his throat.Shadow ran as fast as he could back home he told his family what happened when his brother walked in"So you saw what happened?" "Yes I did Mother, Sister run now."he jumped at his brother he moved out of the way then clawed Shadows back legs. Shadow turned on his brother, he clawed him in the face his brother jumped on shadow racked his belly repeatedly then Shadow clawed his brother's neck and said "That was for father!" Shadow yelled he ran as far as he could, before he fell to the ground. Some time later a hunting party found and carried him all the way back to their home they then dabated over should join or not in the end they let him stay

Quick Description:black cat with a white spot one his left eye and has amber eyes.

Other: none

[shadowfur]

i love the appearence


im just gonna say, this bio is short and like......to short and.....your leaving out proper grammer were it should be and putting in grammer were it shouldnt be and the rp example is a bit odd

they ran and ran then something Jumped on his brother then Shadow attackwhat got his brother it hit him he fell to the ground got up and ran he saw a cave entered it then he was jumped on my a cat it said"What are you doing here."" <<<<<<the whole thing a put in red is what i and many pplz call.... lazy.......not proper rplaying



and about the putting grammer were it shouldnt be....
then started running he then, <<<said < right there THATS A NOO NOO those mean pause for a second, thats like saying he then.........(2 seconds later) said

[K a r m a]

Shadow, I am the admin here. Only I should be making comments about spelling and grammar. The acceptance of bios is between the person who wrote the bio, and the administrator. You may read the bio, but you may not insult it in any way. You shouldn't even be posting in another person's bio. True, maybe this bio does need a little work, but to be honest, your spelling and grammar isn't so great either. Please, just mind your own business and worry about your own bios. I will take care of this.

Skyfang, please ignore what shadow said, apparently she thinks she owns the site. -shakes head- Anyways, I'm not all too picky and I'm totally fine with shorter bios. The only things that need fixing are the history and the RP example. The history is a sentence fragment, not a complete sentence. If you could fix that, it would be perfect! The RP example needs alot of work though. It's one huge run on sentence, so could you please separate it into 5 or 6 shorter sentences? Here, try reading Mothstar's bio for inspiration. Of course your's doesn't have to be quite as long, but it should give you a general idea of how an RP example should look. I'm so sorry I couldn't accept your bio the first time around, but with a little work, it should be accepted in no time!

[shadowfur]

but i really do love how you describe your cats skyfang, and the missing ear part is so sad ;(

sorry karma, im bad at this stuff to but im like a...correcting freak sorta, its a habit

[skyfang]

It's ok shadowfur really

[K a r m a]

Hmm.. Much much better!! Not quite perfect, but still acceptable. You see, the RP example still has quite a few run on sentences, but seeing as this is your first RP site, I can't expect you to make it absolutely flawless it on your first try. After a while you will get the hang of role playing. :3 ((Accepted!!))

-EDIT: Hang on!! I just realized, you didn't even mention Shadow's fur or eye color in his appearance!! I actually think that these are very important details, I know he's been accepted already, but could you please make that one last modification for me? Thanks!!-

And Shadow? I should probably apologize too. -hug- I take back what I said about you thinking you're the admin, it probably hurt more than I intended.

[shadowfur]

im sorry and i like the bio and LOVE HOW YOU DESCRIBE CATS -hugs- karma

[skyfang]

are you talking to me shadowfur

[K a r m a]

Ohh, that last little bit was to Shadowfur. -name confusions- Anyways, thanks for fixing up the personality!! It's perfect now!!

[shadowfur]

*nods*